Monster
by ChairHandler
Summary: I can still feel it, the knife pressing against my throat, the guy's tongue and mouth licking and kissing my ear, his weight holding me down and his hands, as he was touching me. My body starts shaking slightly again. **** TWD, from Carl's POV, in novella form. I will cover season 3 and 4 and ("new") events between, the story starts at the end of S04E16 though. Give it a try! :)
1. Terminus

**Hey guys, this is my first fanfiction EVER so please be gentle and keep in mind that my first language isn't English and I am still a teen. So I might make mistakes, I don't have anyone to proof-read this!**

**If you like it I will continue, I promise!**

**I've been wanting to do this for quite some time now, telling the story of TWD from Carl's POV. I will start at the end of the season 4 finale and then go back to season 3. I will try to make a chapter for each episode, but it might be two chapters/episode now and then. Also, there will be content we didn't see on TV, like what happened before they found the prison or before/after some scenes or what happened between two episodes.**

**This chapter is not really interesting but I think I had to do some sort of "set up"… and I hated how they ended it with a cliffhanger lol. I think I might change to the "present" now and then throughout the story.**

**Anyways, I used present tense and "1st person form" in this chapter, I think I will change to past tense in those chapters which are about former episodes though. Not sure if I should keep it 1st person or if I should change it to 3rd (still Carl's POV though). If you want changes feel free to leave a review :)**

_**(italic words are Carl's 'direct' thoughts)**_

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**Chapter 1 (Present, "Terminus")**

As the boxcar door is being closed behind me I can't help but let out a silent sigh of relief. Although I am now locked in here too, I am at least reunited with my Dad, Michonne and Daryl again and didn't get shot or taken somewhere else by those weird people. Dad seems relieved too, as he softly grabs and pulls me closer as soon as I finally set foot in the dark traincar.

We try to adjust our eyes to the light, because we can hardly see anything. Suddenly, silent footsteps from the other part of the small room reach our ears and we can make out a dark silhouette coming closer.

"Rick?" There's no doubt about it but I can't believe my eyes and ears. The man who just spoke is Glenn. I thought he had died during the prison attack, but he is here, in this boxcar, and the woman now stepping forward next to him is Maggie.

"You're here…." Dad seems as surprised as me. I can see the other people now too, there are Sasha and Bob, and a few more who I don't know. They all look slightly frightened and like they have been through quite a bit in the last couple of days but other than that everyone seems to be healthy.

"You're here.", I hear Dad say it again and I notice the slight touch of relief in his voice. I try to see the other people more clearly and notice a very big and muscular man with what I think is red hair and a mustache, a somewhat chubby guy with longer hair, and two young women. One of them has short hair and seems somewhat familiar, although I can't decide where I might have seen her before. I don't trust strangers and after last night I don't think I will ever be able to again and immediately my right hand finds its way to my gun holster, only to find it empty.

"They are our friends… they helped save us." Maggie explained, trying to ease the suspicion undoubtedly displayed on our faces.

Daryl nodded. "Yeah… now they're friends of ours".

The big man with the mustache spoke up "For however long that'll be." It's clear that he doesn't think our captors are up to anything good.

"No", Dad replies in a serious and determined voice, "They're gonna feel pretty stupid when they find out."

_Find out what? _Obviously I ain't the only one who doesn't understand what Dad means because the guy with the mustache has the same thought as me. "Find out what?"

Everyone looks at Dad expectantly, as he walks over to the door and peeks through one of the small gaps in the wall. "They're screwing with the wrong people."

I can't help but feel a little let down because I was hoping that he would tell us about a gun or another weapon he was able to hide somewhere under his clothes. Since last night I know though that Dad doesn't necessarily need a gun or a knife to win a fight. Still shuttering when I remember what happened only a few hours ago I try not to think about that but follow the conversation instead.

"What do you mean? Do you have a plan or something?" Glenn and the others don't know what Dad did the other night so they are even more clueless than Daryl, Michonne or me. "No but we have managed to get out of every sticky situation until now, I am sure we will find a way to escape. After what happened at the prison, we shouldn't even be here in the first place. But we survived, didn't we?" Dad answers.

Maggie looks down and says, tearing up, "Not everyone." I think about Hershel and feel pain spreading out in my chest and heart. I see it happening again, even though I was way back behind the fences I could still make out how the sword cut off his head. Then another image pops up in front of my eyes, Judith's bloodied carrier… _Stop! Think about something else, Carl…. _I can feel tears forming in my eyes and I swallow hard.

"Yeah…," Dad looks down sadly, as does the girl I don't know, surprisingly. _Who is she? Why does she look so familiar?_

"Do you know what happened to the others?" Michonne wants to know. Maggie wipes away her tears and says that she lost Beth at the bus when she went back to look for Glenn and that she was told her sister was trying to find Judith and the other kids. "She was but didn't' find them", Daryl says, "me and her escaped the prison together."

That's news to me. _But if she wasn't with Daryl yesterday, what happened? Oh my god, please don't let her be dead… _

"What? Where is she?" At first Maggie seems as 'happily' surprised as me but her voice is shaking and full of fear. "She's just gone" Daryl said sadly. "What do you mean by that? Is she dead?" Maggie starts crying again. Daryl looks uncomfortable. "No…I mean, I don't know."

"How can you not know? Just tell us what happened." Glenn is speaking out what I am thinking. Dad and Michonne seem silent for whatever reason. Maybe they have already talked about it when I was sleeping or when we were on our way to Terminus. I haven't really listened or said much since … last night.

"Man I just don't know okay?" Daryl seems desperate, "We have been together for a few days and then we found this empty church-house-thing at a cemetery. We stayed there for a night but then it got overrun and we had to leave. I was a little bit behind her and when I got to the road I only saw her bag lying there and a car which was driving away very fast. I tried to follow it but…" Daryl stops talking and I feel his frustration and sadness.

Maggie is shaking "You mean she was kidnapped? Oh my god". Glenn holds her tightly. "I am sorry…." Daryl says silently and so that almost no one can hear him.

_Beth… oh my god, please be okay…_ I am trying to fight my tears for the second time in a few minutes but I can't help the dizziness I suddenly feel. Beth… the only friend my age, or at least close to my age, I have ever had since Sophia died. Until a few months ago I kinda wished she was even more than my friend… and I still kinda do sometimes. But it doesn't matter now anymore… nothing matters. We're at the mercy of these freaks and last night we almost …. _Stop thinking about it Carl!_

Sasha tries to stay strong and asks "Did you see Tyreese during the attack? What about Carol? I didn't even see her outside with us when the Governor attacked." I saw him for a few moments but he was still with Sasha then. _Yeah, right, what about Carol?_

Daryl is the one who speaks first, "I saw Tyreese shortly when I was in a shootout with a few guys. I couldn't see him clearly though and then I lost track of him. And Carol…." He stops and looks at Dad questioningly. "Carol wasn't at the prison when the Governor attacked." Dad says.

_What? _

"What do you mean she wasn't there?" Glenn asks puzzled. Now that I think of it, I don't even remember seeing Carol at all after she and Dad went out on a run. I only saw him when he returned… we gunned down the walkers at the fence and I thought she was in the cellblock with the sick people.

"She was the one who killed Karen and David. She said that she wanted to stop the illness from spreading. I couldn't let her stay with us. So I left her out there with a car and supplies."

I feel dizzy once again. _He left Carol out there? On her own? _I don't really listen to the small discussion following Dad's revelation but it seems only Daryl and Maggie have already known about this. "Look, I don't want to talk about whether I made the right choice or not. I thought I did back then but now I am not so sure anymore because I now know that I am also capable of a lot of things when it's about keeping my people save!" Dad says, sounding exhausted. Right. Last night. "What I want to concentrate on instead is our current situation. What do you know about these people?"

Sasha tells us that they also arrived today, only a few hours before Dad, Michonne, Daryl and me did. She also explains that they only reunited yesterday and that she, Maggie and Bob were on their own after the prison had fallen. Then she talks about how friendly the people of Terminus had treated them and how they got handed something to eat. "After showing us around we stopped at this train car and suddenly they were pointing their guns at us and threatened to kill us if we didn't get inside."

When Dad and the big guy, who introduces himself as Abraham, start talking about Terminus and the walls of the boxcar I sit down on the cold floor, still tired from the horrible and mostly restless night. Michonne, Sasha and Bob join the discussion, so does the other guy whose name I don't know yet. The two women, Maggie and Glenn sit down with me, as well as Daryl.

"Carl, Daryl, this is Tara and this is Rosita" Glenn introduces us and while Tara only smiles nervously Rosita offers her hand for a handshake. "So what happened to you guys? You look pretty beat up…" Maggie stares at me, looking worried. Daryl and me don't say a word and lower our gaze. "Are you okay? Did these people hurt you? Carl, you haven't said a word yet, aren't you happy to see us?"

_Of course I am, I just don't want to talk about … anything. _I can still feel it, the knife pressing against my throat, the guy's tongue and mouth licking and kissing my ear, his weight holding me down and his hands, as he was touching me. My body starts shaking slightly again.

"Of course and I am okay, it's just a scratch." I tell them silently and force myself to look at them. An awkward pause follows and I think they might have understood that we don't talk about whatever happened because even though no one seems to believe me everyone keeps quiet for the next couple of minutes.

Then Rosita speaks up, "How old are you Carl?"

"Fourteen."

"Oh I see. And this is your Dad over there?" She points at Rick.

"Yes". I am afraid she will ask about mom next.

Rosita just nods though and after a while Maggie asks her: "We didn't really have time to talk much yesterday, would you like to tell me how you met your companions and how you met Glenn and Tara." She turns to Tara, "I also don't know too much about you either, what have you been doing before you found Glenn on the road outside the prison?"

_Maybe now I will find out why she looks familiar_

Tara seems to be uncomfortable with the situation and surprisingly Glenn starts speaking instead of her, "Ehm… why not let Rosita start telling us her story and then we'll see…? Rosita, how did you meet Abraham and Eugene or what did you all do before you started heading for Washington DC?"

"Okay I will tell you a little bit about us but it's not that interesting I am afraid. But then I want to know what exactly happened at the prison, why you lost it, and how you even ended up there it in the first place".

As she starts talking about what her life had been like before the apocalypse I can't help but let my thoughts drift off to happier times. When we thought that we could have somewhat of a normal life at the prison. After we had fought off the Governor and his army. And even before that, in that short week right after we had found the prison. After the farm and Shane…. and before mom died.

I still remember everything…

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**Should I continue this or not? I would be happy if you left a review, whether it's good or bad (as long as it's not trolling or hate) :)**


	2. Thirst (Past, Prologue to EP01)

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed, favorited and followed, this means a lot to me!**

**I just want to address reviewer 'Amy' for a second, because you said I should try to "introduce more of my history in the first chapter". Thank you for this suggestion but what exactly do you mean by that? :) [Sorry]**

**Anyways, this is Chapter 2 and I know it's not that interesting again, but I wanted to do a chapter covering the group's situation in season 3 before starting with episode 301. **

**And another thing: If you think that Carl is being annoying or behaving like a brat then that's okay, I'm trying to write his personality/thoughts in a way that goes hand-in-hand with what we get to know about him in later episodes.**

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**Chapter 2 (Past, Prologue to episode 301)**

Water. That's all I could think about when I was opening drawers, cupboards and bags, feeling more and more desperate by the second. _Please, just let me find one bottle…_

Before the apocalypse I had taken everything for granted. Almost everyone, who was lucky enough to live in "rich countries", had taken things for granted. Water, food. A hot shower, a warm bed. I didn't even remember the last time I had had a shower. And for a few days now, we had been dangerously low on food, having only a few cans of corn and tuna left. We had shared our last bottle of water in the morning and now we were on a desperate mission to find some.

Me, Dad, Daryl, T-Dogg and Glenn that is. Maggie stayed back with Mom, Hershel, Carol and Beth, to protect them. Carol had gotten pretty good with a gun though and sometimes I wondered why Dad wouldn't let her clean houses with us. Maybe it's because of the baby… if anything happened to Hershel, she would be the only one left with knowledge about how to deliver the baby without taking unnecessary risks. The "adults" didn't talk to me about the pregnancy or about birth, but I could see them exchanging worried glances and now and then I overheard them talking about it.

_It's like they think I am stupid. I'm not stupid…. and I'm not a child, I'm just like all of them._

"Watch out!" Glenn stumbled into my room and pointed into the one he had been in until a few seconds ago, "Walkers, five or six of them!" Glenn normally didn't ask for help when it came to taking care of Walkers but we tried to stay as soundless as possible by not using normal guns and it's hard to kill more than one or two if you're only weapon is an iron stick. Me and Dad were the only ones with silenced guns, we had managed to make silencers out of a baseball bat and a flashlight.

Just as I was about to shoot, Dad hurried into the room as well and said, "Don't! Save the bullets, we don't have too many left. Let's go, there's nothing in this ... shack anyways. Let's go." I didn't like the idea of wasting this many bullets either, so I lowered my gun and we all hurried outside, shouting T-Dogg's and Daryl's names to get them to notice us leaving.

"Any luck?" Carol asked when we arrived back at where we left them and the cars. "No" Glenn replied and gave Maggie a short kiss on the cheek. We checked a few more houses that day and eventually we found some water, but not nearly enough to not be worried anymore.

In the evening we made a small fire for the night and had a very small and unsatisfying meal. At first we had always been worried about lighting a fire and sleeping outside but we're careful and figured out how to set up noise/alert traps. Additionally, our cars were always parked only a few feet away and we mostly tried to sleep in there. We preferred staying inside houses though but it had been getting harder to find a good place where we could rest for a couple of days. It had been more awful in winter though and out of fear of freezing to death we had even slept in gross storage units for a couple of weeks. Nights were now finally getting warm again though and so I didn't mind sleeping outside, but I could see that the others were worried about mom.

_It has to be April or May now. So Mom is about 9 months pregnant, meaning the baby could possibly come every day now, at least according to that conversation between Carol and Hershel I overheard two days ago. I hope they are wrong… it must be impossible to hide from walkers when we have a crying baby to carry around. _

After we had finished our few spoons of 'corn-tuna' with some crackers we had found earlier I watched the others getting ready to sleep. I wasn't that tired yet though, so I went over to Beth, who was sitting on the ground with a big bag on her lap and was counting our last few remaining supplies.

"Hey" I said and smiled. She looked up and smiled too "Hey!".

"I'm sorry", I asked, pointing at the bag, "that I didn't bring back a lot of food and water today." - "Don't be stupid, it's not your fault. It's more important that you come back from clearing houses in one piece! And besides, I am sure there wasn't more than what you found and brought back."

As she bent her head down a few strings of hair fell over her face.

_She looks so pretty right now._

I must have stared at her for too long without saying anything because she lifted her head again and asked, "What?". "Uh, nothing", I lied and I could feel my face turning red, "Well, have a good night Beth!" I stood up and hurried back to where my backpack was lying. "Good night", she said and I couldn't decide whether she sounded confused or amused. In the last couple of weeks I had made a fool out of myself almost everytime I had spoken to her. And lately, I also felt like smiling all the time when I was thinking about or talking to her, which mostly ended with me hurrying away, feeling embarrassed. _Oh Lord._

The next couple of days we basically followed the same routine: clearing houses and spending nights outside on the ground or in the cars. Dad didn't always let me go with them, only when we wanted to clear small houses which he thought looked "secure". I was a good shot, but I had never killed a walker with any weapon other than my gun, so I often had to stay behind or wait in the doorways for a few seconds. I never told anyone because I was afraid that I wouldn't be allowed to go with them anymore at all, but I was more than annoyed by that.

_I know I can handle it. Why are they treating me like a small and helpless child? _Of course there were some precarious situations now and then but I wasn't afraid of walkers anymore. _Why can't Dad see that? Why does he think he has to protect me all the time?_

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**That was chapter 2 and chapter 3 would finally be about episode 301 :)**

**I am kinda unsure about grammar in this chapter, I esp. suck when it comes to tenses. I am so sorry for that.**

**I hope you still liked it though and again, I'd be so happy if you left me a short review and tell me whether you liked it or not or just to point out mistakes, because then I could try to fix them :)**


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